Put them in a car, a lift or an underground train and human beings have a tendency to behave differently, and by differently, I mean without reason. But these aren’t the only situations where everyday logic, decency and respect for other people can fly out of the window, it happens in the gym too. It doesn’t matter if it’s a Virgin Active, LA Fitness or your local PureGym, you can guarantee there’s workout weirdness going on under that roof. Stuff that defies logic and raises all sorts of questions, at least in my head anyway. Here’s some of the stuff that goes through my mind pretty much every time I beep my way through the gates and enter the weird world of the gym.
Why do some men need to blow dry their entire body?
There are some smells we all hate. Other people’s farts, smelly feet, fear. But I’ve got one that might be less common. I hate the smell of hair being blow dried. It’s just too much olfactory information flying through the air. This is even more true when the hair in question is on some strangers chest, back, arms and legs. And that shit happens all the time because, for reasons I don’t quite understand, there are loads of men in gym changing rooms who insist on blow drying their entire body and I’m all too often downwind. Use a towel people. I don’t want to breathe in the aroma of your just-warmed chest rug.
Does everyone have a preferred shower cubicle and locker, or is it just me?
I hope I’m not the only one out there who does this but every time I hit the gym I make a beeline for my favourite locker (No. 106 in case you were wondering) and the same shower cubicle (it’s one with a good water flow). If that’s not weird enough, I’m also slightly put out when someone else gets their first. The bloody cheek of them.
Do other people bottle it at the water wotsit?
There I am standing at the water fountain filling my 750ml bottle and everything is right with the world. Until someone else strolls up when I’m not even one third full. I’m immediately overcome with a huge sense of guilt that I’m being selfish. I wrestle with my conscience and eventually my brain convinces me that this person behind me might is dying of dehydration and I’m a selfish bastard before leaving with my bottle half full. The person takes one sip of water. Next time I’ll stand my ground, I tell myself. I never do.
Why do some people suffer from dirty towel abandon?
You return from the gym floor, whichever muscle group you just smashed up burning and twitching and you want to take a moment on the bench by your locker to get your shit back together. There’s one problem though, the bench by your locker is shrouded in someone else’s used towel. There are only two possible explanations for a person to abandon their soiled towel in such a fashion. 1. They suffered temporary memory loss brought on by the exertion of vigorously drying their genitals with a hair dryer. 2. They’re lazy.
How do the dumbbells get mixed up?
Speaking of lazy, people don’t bother to put stuff back in the gym. It’s a classic bugbear and no doubt annoys the heck out of the personal trainers who take it in turns to tidy up and make sure everything is in its rightful home. But what puzzles me is who commits the first crime? What kind of monster decides to be the first person to put the 16kg back in the 12kg slot? Because once they do that’s it, anarchy is unleashed and before you know it there are sixes next to the forties and civilisation teeters on the brink.
Workout weirdness
Seen any baffling behaviour at your local gym? Hit me up on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook or share your stories of workout weirdness in the comments below.
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